Hold your head high, heavy heart.

alexandraerin:

snowce:

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Not to be a killjoy, but the Libertarian/Anarcho-Capitalism one should read something like “You have two cows. You would like to sell one and buy a bull, but a consortium of your neighbors had the idea to pool their resources and buy all the bulls so they could control the population of cows in the future. No law exists that stops them from doing this. You need to pay a licensing fee to get your cows impregnated and the agreement effectively means they own your cows now. You have no legal recourse, and every time you or anybody else capitulates to their monopoly the share of resources the consortium controls grows larger until they are able to regulate trade and even your life with greater efficiency and less sense of public interest than any government bureaucracy.” 

I wouldn’t jump on what’s obviously a joke, except from the way the anarchy one acts like there is no chance that anybody will try to take the cows from you if you’re being nice and anarcho-capitalism one is the only “good” one it’s clear that the punchline here is “Government drools, free market rules”. Nature abhors a vacuum. If we don’t agree to collectively regulate the market, the first person or group to get a real edge over their neighbors gets to do it for us. 

Maybe it says something about me, but I think the pure socialism one also is a “good” one. Probably the best, even.